Moshe Ben-Lev with a quote about a 2nd grade student and Moving Forward Therapy & Coaching logo, to highlight "conscious parenting"

 

He had taken all the class markers and refused to return any of them so that the class could complete their work. In frustration, the teacher sent this crying child to me.

“Why did you take all the markers?” I asked while maintaining eye contact with him.

His reply was: “I have to practice my writing because one of my teachers said I need to.”

I repeated back to him what he shared.

“It sounds like a teacher told you that you need to work on your handwriting, is that right?”

I then told him that this must be very upsetting to him. He stopped crying, looked at me, and agreed.

“But why did you take everyone’s markers?” I asked.

He replied, “I need to have time. I need to do a good job.”

How many times was I told as a new parent:

“Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems.” Nothing could be less true!

As an educator for over thirty years, I have spent many hours talking with my students. Regardless of their age, they have worries, fears, concerns, and problems—and they’re equally important and serious to them.

It’s all about how we—the parents and adults—respond to their problems.

It’s not about solving them, martyring ourselves so that we can shield them from any discomfort. And it’s certainly not about telling them they shouldn’t worry because ‘everything will be okay’.

So, what IS it about?

What do we say to a child who is anxious and worried about something?

What do we say as parents and how can we make a difference?

Let’s return to my student:

I repeated his own words back to him. I then added, “Did I hear you correctly?” He responded affirmatively.

“Do you want to say more?” I asked.

“Yes, I need to practice a lot so I don’t get into trouble and I need to write with both hands and so I need all the markers!”

The Resolution:

We eventually came to a point where he understood that having all the markers wouldn’t help him do a better job. But if he cooperated, the teacher could find extra time to help him. He returned to the class calmly.

We talk about not being reactive as parents or teachers. We talk about “conscious parenting”—parenting with purpose, staying connected and calm.

When we take every problem that our children share with us as seriously as they perceive and sense it, then we stay connected. We help them find their way forward and feel stronger, more confident, and willing to keep trying.

Learn what it takes to be a conscious parent

Learn to remain connected and calm with your children so they can grow up in an environment where building self-confidence and reaching for the stars is possible every single day.

Work with Moshe—a parenting coach with decades of experience

As a Parenting Coach with decades of experience working with children, teachers, and families, I invite you to work with me to find a more effective way of parenting your children. By doing so, you can avoid wounding them. Contact me today for a risk-free discovery session.